


Blue Raspberry: Olive Branch

by LordTraco



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Benrey Origin Story mentioned, Child created by... Alien magic., Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, See notes on chapter 5, Slow Burn, Some Swearing, Suicidal Thoughts, daughter - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28003920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordTraco/pseuds/LordTraco
Summary: "How. The ffffffffuuuudge did this happen?" Gordon asked, censoring himself because a kid was present. A kid. Not his kid. A kid that just APPEARED in his arms when he arrived at Chuck E Cheeses."Gordon, that doesn't look like the child in your locker.""Yeah. No. This isn't Joshua."---Gordon ends up with another kid on top of all his other issues. Benrey isn't dead and learns more about his origins. Will the Science Team bond over these new developments, or will tensions strain to their breaking point?
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 33
Kudos: 116





	1. What. The. Fudge.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will contain a minor character with it/its pronouns and another minor character with they/them pronouns. It will also touch on some self-loathing and abandonment issues. I will make every attempt to tag appropriately if a chapter becomes particularly angsty, but this is ultimately a hurt comfort fic with a lot of healing and comfort.

"How. The ffffffffuuuudge did this happen?" Gordon asked, censoring himself because a kid was present. A kid. Not his kid. A kid that just APPEARED in his arms when he arrived at Chuck E Cheeses.

"Gordon, that doesn't look like the child in your locker." Dr. Coomer said, and Gordon was eternally grateful that no normal people were around to misinterpret that.

"Yeah. No. This isn't Joshua." Gordon was on the edge of panic about his brand new hand and now this!?

"I guess there are worse times you could've chosen to steal a baby." Bubby said with a shrug and a munch of his cheap pizza. He looked completely unfazed at this development, as usual.

"I didn't-"

"Mister Freeman, why do you have a-" Great, now Tommy was coming over to see the commotion. Gordon was trying very hard to keep calm, after all, kids could smell fear.

"Doctor Freeman…" A voice cut through the rest and things got quieter. The grating noise of mouse-themed party music cut out, the ambiance of others talking or eating stilled, and the general lightness of the weird-bordering-on-insane party fell flat. Time had stopped.

"Mister Coolatta, why do I have a baby?" Gordon asked quickly. He hadn't been holding one when they were talking in the tram, so this might not be his doing. But if the man was able to make him a new flesh hand, he could probably make a baby too.

"Doctor, please allow me to-"

A cry cut through the conversation, the baby was pulling on his beard and babbling happily. The baby. Was moving. Despite time stopping. No.

Gordon's eyes went wide, finally looking down at the child to look in detail. Their brown eyes stared up at him, belying no strangeness. Their wisps of dark hair also didn't seem out of the ordinary. The soft gray sheet they were swaddled in looked normal. He nearly sighed in relief until... he saw it.

The baby cooed. But they cooed in a familiar tone and let out a single blue bubble of Sweet Voice. They then laughed at said bubble.

"Before you do anything… rash. This child is not the… irritating one from our previous… meeting." 

Gordon hadn't realized that he'd frozen in panic until he was able to relax and breathe again. He hated to admit the smell of blue raspberries had calmed him some. Especially since the one in front of him just insinuated that Gordon would do something to hurt a baby. He would never. Even if the baby WAS Benrey.

Right?

"You see Doctor Freeman… years ago I was in a… similar. Predicament.” The older man before him said, his slow and ominous tone taking less of an edge than usual. “An extraterrestrial had deemed me a safe… area. A trustworthy person, as it were. And so... upon its death, a child appeared in my arms."

"So this is Benrey's reincarnation??" Gordon blurted out. He only felt a little sorry for interrupting.

"In a way, yes. However there is… more involved in the… process. For one, it is unclear if the original is dead. Also… the one deemed safe must also have an… existing offspring."

"Ok ok back up here. So-so you had some alien give you a child when you already-oh, Tommy. Wait so. So you're Benrey's-"

"I am nothing to him." There was an ambiguous civility to his tone that seemed threatening, giving the same feel as a work email that sounds innocuous but has "high importance" checked off. "Both Tommy and Benrey were… put in foster care. I am a… recent addition to Tommy's… life."

"An alien trusted you with their kid and you just passed him along!?" Gordon held the child closer almost instinctively. Damn. He didn't want to get attached, but the idea of giving up a child that you've held in your arms…

"Well, I can't say that I… regret my actions. My line of work allows no time for… child-rearing. My progeny turned out… well." He looked over at Tommy, barely floating in the stopped time. There was the implied look of care or pride… a look that didn't win the battle against Mr. Coolatta's eternally intimidating face. 

"Tommy could understand Benrey's Sweet Voice. Is there some correlation there to this baby and Joshua now?"

"Very… astute of you, Dr. Freeman. Yes, as far as I can… tell. Your child will understand what that... baby is feeling at any given moment."

Finding out Joshua was factored into this released the floodgates of his worried parent brain. "Will Joshua be ok? Will this baby be ok? God what even is this one's name? Do I name them? Are they a boy or a girl should I even ch-"

"Their form is currently that... of a human girl."

"Did you name Benrey?" Gordon asked, looking at the little girl who was again cooing more blue bubbles. One question at a time or he'll have an excuse to ignore the pressing ones. He really didn’t like which questions were left unanswered.

"No."

"Well… at this point I'm just doing everything you didn't. So. I'm going to name her." Gordon held up the little girl in front of him, looking at her happy face and the trailing little blue dots floating around her.

Benrey was a stupid name in Gordon's opinion. It was a mashup of two normal names. And yet it never seemed to bother the security guard. Perhaps his daughter would like a strange name? Passportia? Heavenly Sword? He could probably turn that into Latin or something and make it a name.

But looking at the kid, it didn't seem right to name her after her possibly (hopefully) dead dad or his interests. Her name should be her own.

"Blue Raspberry." Gordon said without thinking. "What do you think, Blue?"

The kid giggled as he bounced and spun in ways that Joshua always loved. He knew it wasn't really in delight at the name, but hearing her laugh and seeing her smile just cemented something within him.

"Blue Raspberry Freeman." He said definitively, holding her close again in a hug.

G-man seemed to have watched all that with mild interest, but the final sentence brought out a bit of genuine surprise. 

"You would raise her as your… own?"

"Well yeah. Not like there are adoption papers to fight with about name changes and all that. With her being an alien and all."

"Do not doubt… bureaucracy, Dr. Freeman. But rest assured I will… handle any paperwork necessary."

"Wait why?"

"It was through your… efforts that my son has his special day. It seems only fair the other child born on this occasion be… treated well." Mr. Coolatta seemed like he was hiding more as usual, but Gordon was too focused on making Blue giggle at silly faces to care. 

She had Tommy's birthday. It'd be a very easy day to remember going forwards.


	2. The Olive Branch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's see what Benrey is up to.  
> Introducing: Character who will never be relevant again it's fine.

"Wake up."

Benrey didn't usually respawn in another person's arms. Though to be fair he also didn't typically respawn on an alien planet after being killed by his closest bros. This wasn't his day, especially since he didn't recognize the feminine voice.

"Personal space." He grumbled, opening his eyes to the strange area and dark being in front of him.

It looked… powerful. It made him feel like a n00b looking at a pro gamer. There was a power pressing on his brain that gently but  firmly said to use no pronouns, no matter how feminine it might currently look.

It was a dark green figment with huge iridescently scaled wings and a humanoid form, soft gray fabric draping around it like the laziest toga. Claws more befitting an eagle than a human warned it was not to be messed with.

It let out a bit of sweet voice, and it was obvious why such was necessary. It had no face, only long immobile hair framing the illusion of one.

_ Chrome, You're home. _

"Home?" 

"You are what humans would define as my child. I am glad to finally meet you." How the voice came out, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

_ Green, it's not mean. _

"Wait. How? Uh." Benrey let out a bit of green to blue It's-nice-to-meet-you as an afterthought. 

"Come. Sit up."

"Yo tell me my lore!" Benrey sat up, dangling his legs off the dangerous precipice they were sitting on, overlooking the battleground of the fight he'd just lost. He was glad to have something else to dwell on than that.

It made an attempt at a laugh, more an imitated wheeze than a laugh, but the swirl of colors told that it was genuinely pleased. "Gladly. But I warn you, if you know you will wish to return to Earth. You have a home here, you can choose to stay. But you cannot return if you leave."

Benrey hummed in thought. 

_ Pink, you're making me think. _

"Well you've got me curious so I want to know." Plus Xen was boring. Sure there were monsters to battle, and his supposed parent, but Earth had video games. One was clearly superior

_ Pale Red, as I expected. _

"Very well." It extended a wing, shifting the hues of its scales so that it showed crude pixels of what it explained...

…

"Long ago, I visited the planet known as Earth. I was stopped by a being that on the surface seemed human enough, but his powers told otherwise. He warned me to stay away, that such a place was unsafe. He spoke of his Employers needing humans not to know of our existence.

But my curiosity was piqued. I kept returning, and each time he would stop me. He never truly threatened me, as I never pushed for more than the simple parlay. In time, it came to be a somewhat enjoyable occurrence, a tradition if you will.

I worked to perfect my human disguise, to learn the languages he spoke so distinctly. While I was never truly convincing enough, he would admit that I amused him and that his employers took no offense at my continued existence.

I grew to trust him.

However, I died while off exploring another strange world, this world. It happens as you know. We simply respawn. 

But if you do not know how you came to be, you must be unaware of an aspect of respawning. Our kind recreates itself in a place deemed safe. But when we trust someone with our life, we are recreated twice. Once as ourselves and once as a newborn in the arms of our most trusted being."

...

"We get weaker when we make branches of ourselves,” it said, lowering its wing to reveal a stump of what looked to have been a second pair of wings. No regeneration or healing looked to be taking place, those wings were simply gone.

Benrey shivered despite himself.

_ Dark Red, I'm feeling dread. _

"Killing you would not grant me back my strengths. They are yours now and I have made peace with that."

"Good to know, you feel like you could one shot me without blinking."

"I could." Its voice was full of mirth and the happy tone underneath made Benrey smile. That pride and honesty and hint of snark felt very familiar.

"So I'm that dude's son. You think I'm going to go back to Earth over some daddy issues?"

"Tell me. You were raised by humans to have a different concept of emotional attachments. Trust is the strongest bond I have. What is yours?"

Benrey stopped, feeling like a sharp chunk of ice had embedded itself in his torso. He didn't want to admit the answer to this. 

"T-tommy?" He said weakly, the sweet voice showing his hesitance, hope, and lying in equal measures.

"Sing the name." It was an order. One which pressed on his mind like a fever.

Benrey did so in Sweet Voice, allowing his colors to say what his words could not.

_ Brown, I don't want you to frown _

_ Deep Red, I don't want you dead _

_ Light Yellow, you're a kind fellow _

_ Pear, I care _

_ Ultraviolet, _______ _

Benrey blinked. He didn't know that last color's meaning. His parent hummed knowingly but said nothing about it, instead pressing him.

"Sing the name you hesitated to." It knew. It totally knew and Benrey felt so embarrassed that it took a little to compose himself. Thankfully this time it was less of an order and more a request.

He closed his eyes to sing Gordon Freeman's name, as if not seeing it would make the emotions not real. Didn't work well when he finished and opened his eyes to see them.

_ Chrome, you feel like home. _

_ Taupe, you give me hope. _

_ Pear, I care. _

_ Copper with Tin, I let you win. _

_ Pale Turquoise, I miss your voice _

_ Gray, I wish we could play. _

_ Eggshell, It's fun to give you hell, _

_ Maroon, you make me swoon. _

_ Sapphire, you're who I desire. _

_ Cream, you're who's in my dream. _

_ Black, I want you back. _

_ Lime, I want to be with you all the time. _

"Oh."

"A 'child' will be with that one right now. You are weaker than I, so it may have even fewer powers."

"You're telling me I have a child with Gordon." Well that was certainly an interesting sentence to say aloud.

"Yes. Your 'child' is likely located with the one you call Gordon." It said, speaking slow and literally, the word "child" being used like a stand in for a more appropriate word the other party wouldn't get. Like calling a wii-mote a "joystick" to get some old grandma to understand.

"Great. My bro hates me, but I gotta go be super dad and pick up my kid."

"I can make you a portal to Earth. What you do from there is up to you. But know this..." It hesitated, drawing its wings in close.

"Huh?"

"When we branch, we lose our immortality. When I die, I will be gone forever and you and…" it trailed off into some of those ultraviolet colors before continuing on. "will inherit my powers. If this is truly what has happened on Earth, the same will be true for you."

"I won't have god-mode anymore!?"

"No. And other powers will also be lost or lessened."

"This sucks."

"I shall make haste in dying so as to rectify your mood." It teased.

"A month of PlayStation Plus would be equally as cool." He bubbled out some emotions with a low tone.

_ Hickory, don't die for me. _

_ Graphite, that wouldn't be right. _

Its hand touched his shoulder in a gesture of kindness. "You are my dream come true, a vocabulary all your own learned from humans themselves. A desire for companionship I've never known. A being of pronouns and a singular shape."

"Aww is my parent proud of me?" He asked, hiding his face in the shadows of his helmet.

"Very."

He hugged it. He wrapped his hands around it's torso under the wings and pulled it close. He'd never had a parental figure he could ask that to. He wasn't sure he knew anyone that would ever be proud of him. Especially not when the only friends he had kinda hated him and he was alone.

Loneliness, so cringe!

It hugged him back, pulling him upwards in the embrace. 

"I care about you. Now go tell your child that as well!" With that, it was dropping him backwards into a portal.

_ Navy Blue, I'll truly miss you. _


	3. Un-Ex-pected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's check in with Gordon and Blue again, shall we?  
> Featuring: Another potentially never-to-be-seen-again character.

It was surprisingly easy to explain away a second baby to his ex. It helped that the kid looked nothing like him and his old workplace had exploded.

"So you saved a kid while evacuating." 

"Yep."

"And you found out afterwards that her parents are likely dead and decided to keep her. Despite the… bubbles." They fiddled with one, pulling back when it popped.

"They're not dangerous, hun." Gordon paused, looking away quickly. He really hadn't meant to slip back into pet names, but they hadn't been in each other's presence for more than maybe 20 minutes since the divorce.

"Gordon, look at me." They didn't sound mad, so he did so. When they met eyes, his ex smiled. "We didn't work out, we both want different things. But I wouldn't be here holding your new child if you didn't still trust me. I wouldn't be here checking up on you if I didn't still care. Slipping up and calling me hun isn't the end of the world."

Gordon shivered despite himself. He wasn't sure he liked the phrase "end of the world" anymore. Especially after the hell he'd been through.

He just took deep breaths, inadvertently breathing in one of Blue's many calming bubbles. It worked instantly to calm his nerves. "Yeah, you're right."

"Yeah I am, Mister 'I'm going to name my kid after a non-existent fruit'," They teased.

"Excuse you, that's  _ Doctor _ 'Named my Kid after Non-Existent Fruit'!" Gordon felt a pang in his chest as he laughed. He'd missed this. It was why he'd so quickly come to enjoy the company of the Science Team. He enjoyed kind-hearted teasing and joking around.

Looking to the blue bubbles again, he felt tears welling up in his eyes. As dumb as it was, he'd been desperately lonely up until meeting the others. Of course that's what happens when you get a divorce and immediately pack your bags to go take a job in the middle of nowhere. You leave behind your whole life, your whole support network, drown yourself in work and cause a mini-apocalypse. And the first person to tease you, the first person to (perhaps jokingly) promise to protect you from someone angry, the first person to keep you company…

Is the first person to betray you. Gordon first saw those blue orbs used in an attempt to calm a potential threat to him, and he last saw those blue orbs trying to hold him still so skeletons and fireballs could kill him.

Gordon swallowed, sniffling and realizing he was fully crying now. Over Benrey. Rationally, it made sense, Benrey was a lot like his ex and flirted with him almost relentlessly, and he was a lonely stressed out survivor in Alien Hell. Of course it stung that Benrey had betrayed him twice. Of course having his daughter here would mess him up, what was he even thinking!?

A hand to his shoulder stayed there a moment, asking permission. He nodded and was pulled into a gentle hug he remembered so well. He knew this was a blessing and a curse, that this interaction would taunt his nightmares now, but dammit he needed comfort.

"He… he betrayed me. He d-died fighting against us all. And now I have his kid." It took all Gordon had in him to not spill everything. He'd been told quite expressly what was top secret. He didn't need his ex and his son getting harassed over government secrets.

"Hey, Gord. Gord look at me." They pulled away, steadying him with a gaze that had once wrapped his heart in butterfly blankets. "If raising this kid is too much there is no shame in getting help." He was grateful they only implied the option of giving up Blue. There were other options. They had always been good at making him see the other options in life.

"I… I don't want to feel like I'm doing this for him. He… Benrey…" Gordon gripped his hair with the hand he shouldn't have. Saying the name aloud was hard. Hell, he still hadn't so much as thought his ex's name since the divorce. Not that it had changed or anything, but their name was preserved in the before time. The happier time. It was a name only spoken in times of love and happiness, he didn't want to tarnish it in his anxious, heartbroken mouth.

Which was why saying Benrey's name hurt. He'd brought his name to the present, to the ears of the daughter Benrey'd never meet if he's truly dead. Gordon said the name while no longer in a place of stress and hatred, but in a place of healing and regret. His name should have stayed lost to time. His name should have died with him.

As if on cue, Blue started crying. His ex held her close, rocking the little one, but it was no use.

Rubbing his eyes on his sleeves, Gordon reached out for Blue. The moment she was safe in his arms, she quieted and reached to touch his beard that was still a little damp from the tears. It brought him back to the present.

"Gord, I know we…" They paused, sounding unsure and worried, "I know we agreed you needed a fresh start out here. But you're needed by not one but two kids now. Promise me you'll reach out if you need help?"

"I promise I will. And I promise I'll find a friend to talk with if not a therapist." He said, smiling down at Blue as she yawned and slowly lost the energy to keep her hands raised and in his beard.

"Good. I still have Joshua for the week, but I grabbed the usual rental down the block if you want to see him early."

"Thank you." 

With that, Gordon was alone with his daughter. His daughter. Yes he had accepted that Blue was legally his and that she was his kid, but he. He had a daughter. He almost teared up again, this time in happiness. Gosh he was a mess emotionally.

A knock at the door startled him. Had his ex forgotten something? He mumbled a small apology for waking up his little girl as he got to his feet to unlock the door. He really should give his ex a key.

"Forget someth-" Gordon started as he swung open the door only to be met with a face he thought he'd erased from existence.

"H-"

Gordon slammed the door closed, padlocking it as he heard Blue start to cry from the sudden loud noise.

Gordon heard a thud against the door, followed by an "Owww" and nearly laughed. At least until he turned to see Benrey standing in his kitchen.

"The Fuck!?" Gordon said, filter lost as he backed up, clutching his still-crying daughter to his chest protectively.

Benrey blinked slowly, like a cat. He tried to say something but seemed to keep fumbling with the words to say, eventually settling in some green Sweet Voice.

"Not mean. No, you don't get to claim that,  _ Benrey _ ." Gordon said the last word dripping with malice. There, the name was back in the right context.

"Dude I…" He paused again, looking around as if wishing for more words to create themselves. Gordon wasn't feeling patient.

" _ Out! _ "

"Please." Benrey grabbed his own wrist, looking down and closing his eyes. He looked small, sincere, and pained. All things Gordon wished didn't pull out sympathy from him.

"You have five minutes." Gordon said in a calculated tone, a fatherly tone. As much as he hated Benrey, he had to be cognizant of the child in his arms. Hearing him speak harshly wouldn't do her any favors.

"I-" Benrey coughed, sweet voice coming out in a plethora of colors. He hugged himself as they kept coming. Gordon couldn't keep up with what any of those colors were, but took into account the pain on Benrey's face. They couldn't be good feelings.

"Bbbbbb" Blue cooed, sending some of her namesake Sweet Voice at Benrey. He calmed immediately and he met her eyes.

"That. I really. You're my…"

"Her name is Blue Raspberry Freeman and she is legally my child."

Benrey looked between Gordon and Blue for a long couple moments before absolutely losing it. He doubled over in laughter half hysteric and half genuine. "You. You named. You named my kid. After a FLAVOR???"

Despite himself, Gordon exhaled out of his nose in amusement. "I didn't feel like mashing two common names together and she happens to like blue bubbles." He caught himself, looking to the clock on the stove. "You have 2 minutes."

"C'mon Feetman, don't do that. We were buds!" He must have caught the glare because he restarted. "At least at first. We laughed and teased each other. You let me get cut in half so you all could get farther, I let you lose a hand so me and the others could get farther, fair's fair."

"And then you tried to kill us."

"The passports were meant to stop you from getting home."

"What?" 

"I had a lot of power on Xen. I tried to send you all home but I couldn't because the passports were an anchor that locked you to Xen. I was frustrated and drunk and just wanted to go home and play Heavenly Sword. I just wanted to hold you all still and figure out what the problem was, and you started shooting, remember?"

"You spouted off nonsense, blamed my supposed wardrobe malfunction for ruining your day, and started trapping us."

"See: Drunk. Anyways you guys figured out it was the passports and i wanted to get you to keep doing that. So I let you think it was weakening me by letting more and more hits land. I was just about to send you all home when you gave Dr. Coomer an upgrade and launched your final assault and killed me."

"So you could have won?"

"I swapped from Creative to Survival Mode for you guys only to get killed and now I don't have the option for Creative Mode anymore."

"I'm sorry are you explaining this in Minecraft terminology?"

"Bro, you play??"

Gordon glanced at the clock. He could kick him out now. Damn his curiosity.

"Yes but back on topic. What do you mean-"

"I liked and subscribed too hard and trusted you enough to accidentally make a kid appear in exchange for my Creative Mode, my no-clipping, and who knows what else."

"You're saying you're mortal now."

"Boring way to say it, Feetman. But yeah, mortal as kombat."

"I hate that I understood that pun." Gordon sighed. "So why are you here?"

"I met my parent on Xen and it said to come tell its grandkid how loved she is." 

Gordon stood there stunned silent. Benrey sounded sincere and caring. Was this a dream? In what world did Benrey sound like a caring parent?

Benrey took a few cautious steps forward, making a small bit of green to blue, nice-to-meet-you bubbles at his daughter, who imitated him right back. Then there was another set of colors, some pretty reds, pinks, and oranges. Gordon could only assume they meant love.

He was only an arm's length from Gordon when he stopped. There was an air of apprehension and hesitation thick in the air. 

"May I. Hold?" Benrey asked. Gordon hadn't realized he'd been glaring until he realized he should stop.

Gordon weighed his opinions. Full powers or not, Benrey could take her by force. Best to see how well he takes boundaries. "No. But you may hold her hand."

Benrey was back to being tough to read, but it was pretty easy to assume he'd be pissed about not being allowed to hold his own daughter. He just moved forward slowly, letting out some more of those pretty Sweet Voice colors. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm leaving things vague on purpose because I adore trans headcanons both for Gordon and his ex. Since it won't be coming up in the story, making his ex nonbinary allows me to flip flop to my hearts content. One of them had Joshua, both of them love him, and that's all that matters.


	4. Help and Hinderances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon and Benrey have a moment, then fluff. All fluff. We've finally reached found family fluff. But healing takes time and there are always some setbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of fluff packed in this one, but there's an argument at the end that ends the chapter on a sour note. I haven't written any more of this yet so please be warned the cliffhanger and hurt might not have a resolution for a bit.

Benrey had to bite back irritation that Gordon of all people was keeping his daughter from him, but it melted away in the rush of the fact that Gordon was protective of and  _ loved _ his daughter. It was far easier to drown in that pleasant emotion.

_ Warm Colors of Sunset, I feel happy in ways I can't describe yet. _

Benrey reached out to Blue, gently and slowly and watching with lowering tension as she looked at him without fear. When her warm little fingers wrapped around his, he closed his eyes and let out a long note.

_ Gray Alloy, pure joy! _

Upon opening his eyes, he saw Gordon looking at him strangely and realized he was smiling. He wasn't sure he'd ever broken his poker face around Gordon, so that made sense.

They locked eyes for a moment, awash in the scene they were in. Golds and reds twinkled around them, dazzling colors in the meager light of the cloudy day that barely reached them from the windows. Their daughter between them, swaddled in fluffy blue, clung to his finger with both hands, keeping him close to the one he cared about despite everything. A dark home was made bright by the care they gave stupidly and recklessly. It was a tender moment.

Benrey opened his mouth to say something. But he lost it quickly when Gordon looked away. The moment was broken, and so too was his heart. No tenderness would make up for his actions. No bright colors or pretty feelings would make Gordon trust or forgive him.

"I thought you were gonna ask to kiss me there." Gordon wheezed out after a long pause, as if he'd been holding his breath too long. "Thank you. For not. I'm vulnerable right now."

Benrey blinked, confused at the sincerity and general smallness of Gordon. He'd always had such presence, such wit, such unapologetic confidence in himself. 

"I shouldn't even tell you this. You betrayed me, us, twice. Wanted me dead. But." He sighed, tears welling up again in a way that fascinated Benrey. "I'm. A lot has hit all at once and between my ex and you and-"

"Let me hold. I speedran my breakdown, you go have yours." Benrey was already taking his daughter and neither felt nor heard any resistance from Gordon. "Blu-Ray and I have some catching up to do on the couch. Be right here when you get back, promise."

Gordon was shaking, not even seeming to take in his words, but he did shuffle his way further into the house. Benrey tried not to let it get to him that Gordon hadn't caught his great nickname for his kid.

"Alright Blu-Ray, you know your blues and greens now lemme see some pinks!" He demonstrated for her, only to laugh when she ended up with more blue. He continued rambling, making enough noise to drown out the noises further in the home of a man fully and truly breaking down. While he itched to fix it with Sweet Voice, it would only delay the inevitable.

…

Gordon woke with a start and a killer headache and tear stains. And fresh panic at the realization his new daughter was alone with Benrey. What if he took her?

He scrambled out of bed to be met with a very peculiar sight. Tommy was in the kitchen trying to build a baby chair while Dr. Coomer read the instructions in full (he was now reading it in French). In the living room, Benrey and Blue were making sweet voice bubbles from the couch for Bubby to pop with floating fireballs.

"Yooo Feetman!" Gordon noted that Benrey had baby food slathered all over the front of his shirt while Blue looked recently cleaned up from whatever attempt at breakfast that had been. "Wanna take Blu-Ray? Gotta reset my wardrobe."

"Why didn't you give her to anyone else?" 

"I promised we'd be chilling on the couch, dude. Can't break bro code like that."

"She hates the rest of us." Bubby said, still focusing on popping the remaining bubbles to Blue's delight. The slightest hint of disappointment in his voice melted away as he continued, "Little Blurra knows danger when she sees it!"

"Does everybody have a different nickname for my daughter?" Gordon rolled his eyes and reached out to take her from Benrey, who at least had the decency to look grateful.

"Yuuup" Benrey made a popping sound on the p, and disappeared instantly.

"So. Wanna catch me up on why everyone's here?" Gordon took Benrey’s spot on the couch, steadying Blue on his knee so she could bounce while still playing her game with Bubby.

"Nope!"

Gordon sighed, he really walked into that one.

"Ok so your boyfriend or what-have-you called us all begging for help because he wasn't sure how or when to feed her. And the idiot took his promise to you so literally that his ass was stuck on your couch the whole time."

"Wait seriously?" Gordon stopped jostling his knee until his daughter made a noise at him to continue.

"Yeah, Mr. Freeman, he begged us to come over and get the baby food. We were gonna put her in the height chair but it took a while to build." How Gordon hadn't noticed the huge golden retriever that came in from the kitchen with Tommy, he'd never know. At least Sunkist was well behaved.

There was a joke somewhere here. Something along the lines of "how many grown men does it take to care for a toddler?" With a punchline of "too many" or "Six and a dog". He bit back that remark.

"Hello Gordon! We finished the chair!"

"Hey Dr. Coomer. Thank you guys so much for helping out." 

"Anything for Berry, Mister Freeman." Tommy sat in front of Blue to make faces at her, stealing her attention away from a very jealous Bubby. Oh god Benrey wasn't kidding about the nicknames.

"Ok, ok, Dr. Coomer?"

"Hello Gordon!"

"Hey. So. What nickname do you have for her?"

"Bluetiful!"

Gordon lost it, he snickered and started laughing, unable to contain it any.

"Gordon I'll have you know it's a real color on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that I have hard coded into my brain!"

"I." Gordon wheezed out another laugh, trying to get a grip, "I believe you Dr. Coomer. I just wasn't expecting a. I wasn't expecting that."

Blue looked to be having the time of her life, bouncing on his knee while the others vyed for her attention. It made Gordon so happy that he barely noticed Benrey appear until a small tap to his shoulder made him notice a coffee offered in comfortable silence.

He took it with a nod of thanks, letting go of the strangeness of all this. He had an alien daughter, he didn't actually fully kill Benrey, his ex and his son were safe, and the Science Team was there for him no questions asked. As strange as it all was, everything was good.

Except his coffee. His coffee was lukewarm and way over-sugared. But he wasn't about to complain. Yet.

"So, how ‘bout we give that chair a test run?"

...

The morning passed calmly, or as calmly as the Science Team is capable of with a born-yesterday-but-looks-about-2-years-old girl to entertain. By noon she was out for a nap in Joshua's old crib.

"We better be going, cops are going to be after our ride, you know." Bubby said when Gordon returned to the living room.

"Thank you again for coming." Gordon noted Dr. Coomer getting up as well. Whatever those two were up to he was glad he only knew about car-jacking. He could claim ignorance if anyone asked questions about bank robberies.

"Gordon, we're here for you." He was pulled into an unexpected and quick hug by Dr. Coomer on his way out.

"Yeah don't expect one from me. But take care." Bubby said as he passed, giving Gordon a couple solid pats on the shoulder.

"Yeah, you too." Gordon said, looking back to Tommy when they left. The silence went on a little longer than necessary and he figured he'd have to break it. "Hey so you can stay as long as you like, Tommy."

"Actually, Mr. Freeman, I just wanted to talk to Benrey a little." 

"Gotcha I can give you two space-"

"Nah, no secrets man. Secrets made a chicken hat of Feetman, remember?" 

Gordon was honestly impressed with how easily Benrey could mix Antagonizing Asshole with Considerate Person in equal measure. This was like the Food Suit talk all over again, except less confusing.

"Ok…" Tommy wrung his hands a little. "I talked with my. My dad. He said that what happened with Blue happened with. With him."

Gordon focused on Benrey, but couldn't perceive any shift in emotion. The air felt heavier, though.

Tommy continued when met with silence, "He said that it was a couple years after he had and gave me up for adoption, an alien child appeared in his arms. You."

"So he sent me right along after you, huh?" The words came out monotone, but there was hurt in them.

"He said he introduced us. So neither of us would be alone."

Benrey sat down on the armrest of the couch and Gordon bit back a comment on not doing that. Instead he indulged his curiosity. "So you two are half-siblings?"

Benrey sent an angry glare at him. "Did you make up half of Blu-Ray? No."

"No, but Mr. Coolatta did say that Joshua is going to have an innate understanding of Blue's emotions if you two are anything to go by,” Gordon countered.

Benrey stood up and walked to the kitchen, not saying a word.

"What'd I say?"

"Mister Freeman, we… we spent a long time getting to know one another. I was the only one who looked out for Benrey, so telling him it's all because we sorta share a dad that abandoned us isn't. Isn't great."

"Oh." He turned around just in time to see Benrey walking to Blue's room. He followed, leaving Tommy to be comforted by the world's most perfect dog.

And so they stood there quietly watching their kid sleep curled up with a plush bug Gordon didn't remember buying. Must have come from Benrey.

"If you need to cry-" Gordon whispered.

"Can't."

"It's not weak to-"

"I don't have tear ducts. Why do you think I have sweet voice?" 

"Oh..."

"My parent said it was proud of me. It said I had a dad on Earth, and n00b here thought that father would… care."

"I won't defend the creep, he doesn't seem to care about much."

"I never needed a parent. I had Tommy. He was that cool older bro who looked out for me." Benrey fidgeted in a way that actually looked a lot like Tommy's hand wringing. "He was proof not every human hated me. Psyche, he's not full human and now that dude claims we're psychically bonded or some shit?"

"Is that all you're upset about? Tommy being alien?"

"Do you know how hard it was? To ask for help from people who left me for dead twice? To hear that they were doing it for you or for her? To hear them gush about a party I wasn't invited to? To know that any time now, no matter how good I am, I'm going to get kicked out of this house and have nowhere to go because my only home got nuked!" Colorful orbs floated out as he whispered intensely, each one dripping like an oversaturated washcloth.

_ Light sage, I'm in a sad rage. _

_ Sandstone, I don't want to be alone. _

_ Dripping like rain, I'm in pain. _

"Oh I'm sorry, is all that as hard as being constantly gas-lit, insulted, betrayed, flirted with, and finally attacked by someone you tried your damnedest to protect and help out? And then feeling immense guilt over their death only for them to show up in your life unannounced and pretend to play nice but no wait it's time to dump more emotions on someone already in the middle of shit!" His anger got the best of him, he knew the next words were pure poison, but he had to. He wanted to put Benrey in his place. "No wonder Mr. Coolatta only considers you an irritation.”

The colors drained out of the remaining sweet voice bubbles, leaving a not quite black color. Benrey was gone.

Of course Tommy was in the doorway, teary eyed and staring at the orbs.

_ Eigengrau: I'm done, ow. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand that's all she wrote. Literally. Unless you guys want some interactions between [Unnamed Alien] and G-man, it's going to take me a little bit to make more content.   
> Please let me know how you like it, even a pterodactyl screech would suffice. Or tell me what Sweet Voice color this chapter would bring out in you!


	5. Bridges Built on Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanations for Gordon's words comes with the fallout of his cruel actions. Thankfully, Tommy is here to help!  
> PLEASE READ WARNING IN NOTES.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:  
> Suicidal thoughts and references to suicide are heavy in this chapter!  
> When the narrative turns to Benrey, there is dissociation and apathy and a desire to jump off a bridge. 
> 
> Please be careful when reading, there is a happy ending but lots of angst to start.

Gordon walked past Tommy to the living room, making a bee-line to Sunkist. He was going to need moral support to deal with the backlash of what he'd just done. 

Why _had_ he said that? 

Bringing up G-man's words had been going too far. He knew that before saying it. If he was going to face Tommy he wanted an answer as to why he chose to be cruel. He let his thoughts run in circles as he pet the fluffiest, best dog in the world.

He could tell Benrey was trying, but the thought left a sour taste in his mouth. Trying now implied that he could have tried back in Black Mesa. The weird alien chose backhanded tactics to get even about shit Gordon didn't mean to happen! 

It would be easier to forgive Benrey if he was completely unable to explain himself. That certainly seemed to be the case on Xen. But now he had proof that the man could in fact communicate his regrets and intentions and it infuriated Gordon. A little more communication and he would have apologized about the door incident. A little more conversation and he might not have lost a hand and be haunted by the idea of thousands of Dr. Coomers attacking him while he was defenseless. A little more  _ fucking _ communication and maybe Xen could have been a walk in the park with a fun party afterwards celebrating Tommy's birthday without the guilt of killing a friend weighing on his conscience!!!

A little communication and Blue Raspberry might not have… might not have Tommy's birthday. Yeah. Yeah no she was inevitable, Benrey would have died one way or another while trusting in him.

Benrey trusted him. That was the worst part. Benrey who caused him so much anger, so much pain and rage and adrenaline, who claimed to hate him one minute then joked with him the next… who got him coffee and let him go have a breakdown in peace and kept a stupid promise to him and opened up to him like they were close friends who could just vent to one another….

Gordon didn't know how to feel about Benrey. Each good thing was proof he'd  _ chosen  _ to be bad to him in the past. Being vulnerable with him was the final straw. It was the final straw because it was exactly what Gordon wanted. He wanted a friendship built on trust and vulnerability and care and healing of past wounds and raising a child or two together. He wanted tender moments and comfortable silence with the promise of laughter to come.

He wanted what he had with his ex back. He wanted a partner if not a lover. He wanted to hold and kiss away the terrible memories and insecurities that plague the one he cares about and trust they'll do the same. 

He didn't mean to form a crush on the security guard. But between the flirts and kisses and stress, it happened. It wasn't fair to either of them. It was less a crush and more a longing built on desperation, or at least that's what he told himself.

Every time he felt like that for his ex, he knew the only cure was to remember the worst times. It helped take the rose-tinted glasses off. With his ex, their worst times were a couple arguments and some uncomfortable days. It was always enough to remind him not to fall for them all over again. 

It was… a bad mechanism when applied to Benrey. 

"Mister Freeman?" Tommy walked in after entirely too long and Gordon who had been petting Sunkist casually, had to fight the urge to hide his face in her fur. Not because Tommy looked angry, but because the area around them felt somehow slower, and his golden eyes were piercing into his soul. Tommy looked the same. But he  _ felt _ angry.

"I know what I did was wrong. I have an explanation but not an excuse." Gordon said, watching Tommy's face remain ever the same, but the tension seemed lighter.

"Good. Because you really hurt him. I don't know what you said but…" Tommy wrung his hands again and Gordon noticed just a bit of wetness in his eyes. "Eigengrau can. Can mean 'I'm done forever, goodbye now.'"

Gordon froze, breath hitching. Benrey had said he had no place to go. He'd said that the Science Team was the only ones he could reach out to, but that he'd learned they wouldn't have shown up for his sake alone. He knew Gordon and the others would drop everything for his daughter, so she was in no danger without him. He knew his father didn't care for him and that he'd never see his proud parent again. No one was reliant upon him. He had nowhere to go and no dire responsibilities…

He'd said that he was on his last life.

"He wouldn't." Gordon breathed out without any confidence. "He wouldn't, right? He. He just is gonna go drown in video games and gamer snacks, right? Tommy tell me he wouldn't."

"Every single skeleton we fought was his, Mister Freeman." Tommy answered vaguely. Silence hung heavy in the air.

"So he's died that many-"

"Yes. So I'm afraid that he... He would. Because he  _ has _ ." Tommy skirted around the word but it still hit Gordon like an anvil to the cranium. There was a hollowness to his words, the last one most of all. It held a tone of defeat, an edge of despair, and a lull of sadness.

"We have to find him. How the fuck do we find him? Tommy-"

"I asked for help. There's a portal in Berry's room. I'll babysit if you promise to bring Benrey home, Mister Freeman." He spoke quickly, shaking away the previous tone with the unwavering certainty he always seemed to have in Gordon. Sadly this left no room to ask who he'd gotten help from.

Gordon stood up, looking outside. Everything was frozen. It was only inside the house that seemed free of the paused time. He really was G-man's kid. Or G-man was helping. Who could really say?

"Make sure she eats by 5 and gets a bath if you can manage it. Diapers are in the hall closet with the wipes. The number by the telephone is my ex, they are right down the street and will help in an emergency." Gordon blurted out his usual babysitter instructions on auto pilot, putting a hand to Tommy's shoulder. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Everything will be ok."

He didn't wait for Tommy's response, just giving his friend a quick hug of reassurance (that he himself needed) and running as quickly and quietly as he could to Blue's room and through the portal.

…

Tommy let out a breath of relief, steadying himself on the edge of the couch. Just another minute so Gordon could get there. Just hold on.

"Thank you Olive." He said softly to the empty room. A bird outside resumed tweeting and a car passed. And he waited.

…

Benrey missed clipping through walls. It took no effort, as easy as blinking. But that was gone, so now he had to actually take the time to envision a place he wanted to be and will himself there. To an outsider it might not mean much of a difference, but clipping never had this side effect.

He hadn't had a destination in mind. He just wanted out of there and away from Gordon. So his brain provided a destination based on his current mental state.

He was on the side of some bridge high, high in the air. No cars around, frozen water beneath him, not a single sound except the lonely wind that blew in his face and made his eyes sting.

The cold invited him, pulling him away from the thoughts and emotions that led him here. The flimsy railing hurt as he gripped it, the cold metal burning at his palms as the moment became seconds. External hurt was a welcome reprieve from his thoughts.

He peered over a railing, mind supplying only "fall damage" and "insta-death pit". There were no other thoughts, his emotions were stuck on that fake black color. Just ow.

He felt time slow down around him. But unlike before with the strange man, this felt familiar and directed. Somehow it felt like it had sought him out in particular. There was a feeling to it that reminded him of someone. Someone he cared about. Someone who reached him in times like these long ago.

Was it all that long ago? He wasn't sure.

Nevertheless, he consented and froze with his hands crossed over the guardrail, letting time pass (or not pass) him by for as long as it pleased. He didn't have energy for hope, but it was the last word that entered his brain.

..

When he was released from the grip of stopped time, Benrey first felt warmth on his arm. Looking that way he just saw Gordon mirroring his posture looking down as well. The side of his arm touched his own, explaining the warmth.

"I always hated the ice world stages." Gordon said as if he'd been rehearsing the line to sound casual. He did not. He sounded panicked and concerned. And cold. He was in his casual t-shirt and jeans, looking about ready to start chattering his teeth any minute.

Benrey took in a breath. It ripped at his nose and throat and lungs with the frigid dryness. He let it out, the breath's warmth visibly floating away from him and towards the empty air beyond the bridge. Follow. Follow and keep the warmth before the cold could take it away forever.

But there's another warmth now, so the idea has less pull on him. "N00b." His voice was as flat as he felt.

"You're right, I am a n00b. I have very little EXP in apologizing." Gordon's eyes were on him. They looked all teary and sad. "But I am sorry for my words earlier."

"Mmm." Benrey met his gaze, making a non-committal sound just to show he'd heard him. It didn't change anything. It should have, but he felt no different.

"Please come back. We'll talk this out someplace warm. Tommy is really worried."

Tommy. The name almost dragged Benrey out of the apathetic haze he was lost in. Almost. He was pulled back in almost immediately, but it was enough. Warmth and Tommy sounded nice. Leaving this place sounded nice.

"Blue will want to see you too."

Benrey pushed backwards from the guardrail, breathing heavily as it all hit him. He shivered and coughed up Sweet Voice.

_ Wild Orchid, that's my kid! _

_ Sparkling gold, fuck it's cold! _

_ Graphite, that wasn't right. _

_ Light Sky, I don't want to die. _

_ Bubbles that shake, I've made a mistake. _

Benrey pulled his legs in close, shivering in cold and pain as the coughs tore up his throat in the dry air. His emotions all fought inside him trying to get out and he almost wished to have the haze back.

"Benrey!" There was warmth. Warmth on his shoulders. Warmth that pulled his arms apart and hugged him. Warmth that held him close and picked him up.

Benrey went limp in the warmth, letting Gordon pick him up and drag the two of them back through a portal that felt all too familiar.

He gripped Gordon tightly, sandstone sweet voice filling up his mouth and throat. "Please don't drop me please don't leave!" He begged as he felt himself enter a portal backwards just as he had when dropped by his parent. 

_ Sandstone, please don't leave me alone. _

"I won't drop you. My strength stat is high enough for this quest." Benrey smiled just a little and lightened his hold ever so slightly. Gordon was definitely scraping the bottom of the barrel for video game references, but it was the thought that counts. It was exactly the reassurance that he needed.

The comforting temperature and humidity of Gordon's home felt so nice Benrey almost fell asleep right then and there. However he was busy being ripped away from one warm friend to another as Tommy bear-hugged him. 

"You're s-safe! You're safe! I saw eigengrau a-and-" Tommy sniffled and Benrey could feel his shoulder getting wet. He hugged Tommy back.

"I'm safe, I'm here." Benrey said, heart hurting as he recalled how often he used to have to say those words. It hadn't mattered every other time, not with his respawn working just fine. Now it did.

No. It hadn't mattered  _ to him _ every other time. It was becoming a bit clear that it had mattered to Tommy every time. 

"What snapped you out of it? What worked? It's been over a year, but last time it was a new flavor of mountain dew you wanted to try."

"Fuck, man I never did go try that flavor. Think they still got it?" Benrey asked, hoping to change the topic. Guilt was eating at him and panic was trying to settle in.

"I mentioned Blue and he freaked out and got away from the edge." Gordon answered for him.

Benrey hugged Tommy tighter, whispering, "Your name almost worked." The last thing he wanted was Tommy to doubt how much he meant to him. Or to let him think Blu-Ray was replacing him as his favorite.

"So… how do we make sure you don't feel like that again?" Asked Gordon. He clarified quickly when he sensed Tommy's irritation. Yes, obviously besides him not shoving his high res feet in his mouth. "Like. Would having a room here help? So you can see Blue anytime?"

"You'd let me live here?" Benrey extracted himself from Tommy's hug to stare at Gordon.

"I… if you want? Look I am all sorts of messed up, but I can promise not to stoop that low again. I just got over having your death on my conscience, so I'd like to be sure it stays that way."

"But you hate me. You wanted me dead." 

"I don't have a single clue how I feel about you, but I don't want you dead. Plus I could use the help with Blue." He seemed to get that making excuses wasn't working after a pause. "Look I. I'd like it if you would stay. I won't say it's for your sake or because we're friends because that implies you messing up would lead me to revoke the offer."

"Oh. That's why you're making this about you." Benrey was blunt with his words but appreciated it. "Thought you were just refusing to play co-op."

"I'll pay his rent until he can get another job, Mister Freeman." Tommy offered.

"Oh I. I don't think I need that, but I guess if you'd like to." Gordon wasn't hurting for money at the moment, but if he was legally obligated not to kick Benrey out on a whim it could put everyone at ease.

"Would that be ok, Benrey?" Tommy asked and Benrey snapped out of his dazed surprise. 

"Huh? Uh. Sure." He blinked, trying to fumble his way back to normalcy. "Place needs a gamer's touch, Blu-Ray needs a gamer pad."

"She's a day old, she does not need a gamer pad." Gordon countered good-naturedly. "Not yet."

"Gamer pads cost money, man, gotta start now or she'll end up playing Floigan Bros instead of Heavenly Sword!"

"She will. Never. Have to play Floigan Bros." Gordon sounded like the world's most protective dad. Which was beyond fair that game was so bad. "How much was your gaming setup?" 

Tommy settled on the couch to the sound of his friends budgeting for video games and chairs. His eyes slipped closed and he was asleep in moments.


	6. Olive and Taupe, Live and Have Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is "Olive" anyways? Let's see what happened from some different viewpoints.  
> And then some much needed fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild body/eye horror in this one, along with mentions of blood and of suicide. Please as always be careful.
> 
> Also a non-main character dies off-screen in this chapter.
> 
> Not beta read and I left in the double spacing this time, sorry!

"It is not a… choice to make lightly." The man who was still getting used to the title "Mr. Coolatta" said in his usual ominous ways. He stood on a higher ledge to be eye level with the less subtle extraterrestrial. Or forehead level, as it were.

"You would not come to me with these options if you didn't know my decision." It responded. "You are smart, you only give options to appear courteous, but there is only ever one option."

"Would it surprise you to know I dislike both options?" He asked, tone and face still blankly serious despite the words implying an emotion there. There was intentionally no pause.

"No." It said gently, spreading its wings and singing soft colors into existence. The colors seemed to be a relief to him, but he stiffened again when it continued. "But whether liked or not, there is only one option." 

"Then you will choose death... to grant my progeny the power to save yours?" He asked slowly. "To prevent this from taking place?"

As he gestured, reality flickered around them to show the subdued horror of a frozen river meeting warm blood. The first wisps of snow hung suspended in the air above, threatening to bury all evidence of this lonely defeat in its frosty cocoon if given time. 

No one had stopped Benrey. No one could. But as G-man flicked to another scene, it became apparent it wasn't that no one cared. How beautiful it was in a cruel way, to show this alien a world it wanted badly to be a part of in this context. To show how deeply missed its child would be.

"It is the only option." It stepped closer to him, opening its eyes to show how serious this was. "My branch. My child. Will live." The immobile gray shape that approximated hair around its empty face shifted as it opened up rows and rows of eyes in a myriad of colors. It was like fall leaves bringing warm hues to a river reflecting ominous clouds, all circling the deep green of a forest. 

It was ironic how the less human it tried to be, the more G-man was reminded of Earth regardless. Perhaps it was simply the nature of a planet that grew its own life from the start. Unlike Xen, Earth had a balance and an age to it, much like the alien before him.

He would miss this one far more than its progeny, but Tommy deserved his friend. Tommy deserved friends.

It paused knowingly. "First, a name to sing you," it said, using "sing" as one would use "call". It reached out, as if asking for his hand.

"G-man Coolatta." He said, tone and voice free of emotion, but his words carrying the finality of a goodbye.

It sang.

It sang the name he gave, overlapping tones coalescing into a melody rich and meaningful. There was an intense desperation filling the backdrop of the canvas that the notes painted in the vast skies of Xen. A desperation to be heard. A cry pleading to be known and remembered in the face of a certain end. 

No.

It was not a cry. For all its desperation there was certainty that it was heard. There was no sadness in the ending to come, only yearning and earnest trust in the only listener.

_ Orange Rust, you have my undying trust. _

_ Mahogany, you're important to me, _

_ Light brown, you never let me down, _

_ Off-white, you're a delight _

_ Lime, if only there were more time, _

_ Fern, with you there's so much to learn. _

_ Dark Moss, help me prevent this loss. _

_ Olive, let my branch live! _

Time stopped. The beautiful mess of natural colors contrasted with Xen's redder hues. It was fitting how well they clashed, stark opposites where just a few additional color options could bridge the gap. Of course there were other options here, there always were. However, he was not in the business of third options.

It was his job to force decisions between red and green, denying entirely the existence of blue or yellow. If those he negotiated with forgot their existence as well it could hardly be blamed on him. 

Mr. Coolatta reached up to grab the colorful orbs, removing all time from them permanently, rendering them little more than colorful stones. When as many as he could were stored carefully in his briefcase, he gave one final look to his favorite acquaintance.

…

Tommy stood alone in the room save for the sleeping toddler and his immeasurable worry. Benrey was out there somewhere, and if no one reached him in time… time, yes. He just needed more time! 

It didn't come as naturally to him as it seemed to come to his father. Tommy's first attempt did little more than pause time in the room, if his nudging of a dropped toy was any indication.

He needed help. Tommy could admit that. He texted his dad exactly that, just " _ help _ ". There was no time to elaborate, and his father knew so much he might already be helping for all he knew. His dad wasn't omniscient, but sometimes it was easier to just assume he was.

_ Helped.  _ The reply was instant, and Tommy felt something change as he read it. The air was stiff and smelled of freshly ironed suits like it usually did when his dad interfered. Beyond that, however, something changed within him.

He felt an insatiable urge to sing. It started in his torso like a giddy feeling and ran ice cold through his veins. There was power there, waiting raw in his throat like ice cubes sit at the top of a tipped glass, ready to spill out all at once unexpectedly.

He went with it, allowing the very familiar Sweet Voice notes to play from his own vocal chords. However as he sang, the colors of the bubbles shifted as they divided and merged seemingly at random. He couldn't even focus on them as the story played behind his eyelids.

It was a tale told entirely in emotions. The joy and thrill and pride in learning flight blended seamlessly into the euphoria of finding its place in life. There was grief and melancholy at losses that rose once again to excitement at finding new places. Then there was trust. Built slowly, piece by piece, moment by moment.

The rest was a blur of fleeting emotions, but the final one remained, reflected in the orbs that gleamed around the whole room. Olive. 

That's what he dubbed it: Olive.

As the song concluded he felt another power sinking in. It dripped in his fingertips like the urge to dig through sand. All he needed was to know where Benrey was.

A confidence and hope welled up in him. He could do this. He focused on the smell of suits and starch and formality, deciding what his should be. He decided on pleasant warm days shortly after rainfall, with the faint smells of Sunkist and the exhaust of passing cars. His dad was proper, businesslike, stern, his stopping of time was like calling someone into a meeting in his office. Tommy couldn't replicate that, but he could make it his own. He'd stop time his way, like making conversation on a sidewalk with an old acquaintance.

With that, it came easy. Time paused as he envisioned no cars passing by. All he needed was Benrey.

No. This wasn't his to correct. As he located Benrey, his worry drained away so he could think more clearly. Gordon deserved the chance to apologize. Tommy wouldn't force it, but he knew Gordon would only feel worse about himself if someone else played the hero.

He formed the portal in front of him, fighting every urge to go through it. As he turned to go face Gordon in the living room, he caught sight of the eigengrau bubbles again. It sat heavy in his gut, the anger that Gordon had hurt his friend to such an extreme.

He let the anger dissipate as Gordon apologized and became worried for Benrey's safety. Tommy was glad his friends were kind at heart, for all their rough edges. 

When Gordon ran through the portal, he sighed in relief and quietly thanked Olive for the power to handle this. Sitting on the couch beside a well placed baby monitor, he reached for his phone. He meant to thank his father as well, only to see a message that left him feeling cold inside.

_ The original anomaly has passed.  _ There were no other texts elaborating, and Tommy took a moment to put together the threads.

His dad liked to refer to Benrey as an anomaly. His dad had been somewhat close with Benrey's parent. It wasn't hard to piece together that it was Benrey's parent that passed. 

But the text prior, " _ Helped _ " loomed ominously above the statement. Had his help involved the death of Benrey's parent? 

Was it related to the Sweet Voice he could now conjure up? And the life told in that song?

Tommy concentrated on the last color of the song, on the feeling it had held. It seemed important, like the meaning behind it was the final puzzle piece. And he found it: A desire to help someone live.

Olive orbs floated in the air and it all came crashing down. No longer could he keep up the feeling of walking Sunkist on a warm day. Which was fine, he believed in Gordon. He believed in Gordon's ability to help a lot more than he believed in his own at the moment.

Especially now that it felt he was to blame for Benrey's parent's death. Rationally he wasn't, he couldn't have known Gordon and Benrey would argue to that extreme or that his father's help would come with such a price. But he had a role in all of it.

He felt the power to create portals still at his call. He benefited from Olive's death. 

He took a deep breath, held it, and let it go. He repeated mantras in his head that helped him through tough times. Live for the living before you die for the dead. Make the best of things as they are. Be strong for those who matter.

He picked up the baby monitor, smiling to hear the soft snores Berry was making. Guilt would not eat him if he could blend it up with love and care. He'd be the best uncle he could be.

It was then that Gordon arrived with Benrey and much needed hugs and reassurances were had. It all flew by for Tommy in a haze as relief and fatigue hit him like a brick. He laid down on the couch, just thankful to hear Benrey and Gordon's voices.

…

"Look it's not hard. You make sure the tabs are on the bottom before you-"

"What if I just flip over the baby instead of the diaper?"

"Then how would you- you know what? Show me."

Blue giggled as she was picked up yet again. To her this was less a diaper change and more a game of being picked up and put down a lot. 

Benrey placed her back down again with the care and reverence he saved for his most treasured video games. Gotta keep her mint condition. He then went to work proving Gordon wrong. Just lift her up, put one of the tabs around to the front, then… wait was that snug enough? He also needed a third hand to get the other strap. 

He refused to admit this was more difficult than flipping over the diaper. Gordon was just too low level at parenting, clearly. Now could he use his foot to keep her up while getting the other strap or… if only he had a third arm.

No sooner had he thought that, did his arm tingle. However he was quickly distracted by a warmth invading his space.

"If you're so adamant about doing it wrong I guess I'll at least help you get the end result right." Gordon half mumbled, pulling the other strap around to Blue's front. "Done!"

"Achievement unlocked, teamwork! Good job Blu-Ray! BBBBB" Benrey picked up his daughter and made silly noises at her. She laughed more and reached out to Gordon. "Oh! She has to make sure you don't steal anything!"

Gordon rolled his eyes and reached for his daughter, pressing a little kiss to her temple when she was in his arms. It was starting to become obvious that she liked Gordon best, and he held that knowledge close to his heart.

"Gotta make sure I don't steeeeal-" Gordon looked around the floor, pointing at the diaper powder, "that?"

Benrey quickly snagged it out of his reach, hiding the bottle behind him. He squinted, his face almost believably accusatory. "No stealing!" 

Blue squealed in delight at the game.

"What abouuuut-" Gordon saw Blue point at a small toy beside him. "That?"

Again Benrey reached out lightning quick to grab the toy. "No stealing! Here, Blu-Ray, keep this from him." He handed the toy to her, but she immediately tossed it aside to point at more items Gordon could possibly "steal". She caught on quick!

The game went on for a bit longer until Gordon needed to stretch his legs and decided to get her some food. He stood in the doorway waiting for Benrey when he didn't immediately get up.

There was an unspoken agreement that Benrey wasn't trusted alone just yet. The appreciation he had for those pauses and looks checking in on him went similarly unspoken. It was easier to just focus on their little girl for a day or two. Find a rhythm first, then maybe they would try talking again.

In the meantime, Benrey was having a blast. As long as he didn't swear or make it too harsh, he could tease Gordon all he wanted now. He could make anything a game to please two of the most important people in his life.

There was a level of giddy joy he felt kissing Gordon that one time in the poweraid. But that joy was nothing compared to the warmth that came when Gordon smiled at Blue, softening his features and looking so content. He practically glowed. 

There was attraction to a nice body and a sharp wit. And then there was whatever this feeling was. The feeling of gratitude at being able to experience this, the budding stages of belonging, and the wonder at the beauty of life.

"You ok? You're making a lotta colors." Gordon's words cut through his thoughts and he swatted away the colors without looking at them.

"Huh? Good. Yeah." When Gordon still kept looking, he elaborated a little. "I'm feeling a kinda way. A good kind. A real buttonmash of good."

Gordon nodded, patting his shoulder lightly. "Thank you for being here, Benrey." The way he said his name made it seem important. Maybe it was just that he used it so sparingly, but Benrey was more caught up in the whole of it.

He was being thanked. For existing. For being "here" in Gordon's house. Where just a day ago he was unwelcome. The speed of things turning would have given him whiplash if he didn't realize things were far from healed. This was a calm before the storm. The save point before the boss fight.

They'd grind a bit, get some sweet dad EXP, and face the issues ahead when their HP was up. There was hope. Hope that things would get better from here.

He sang a couple rich notes and filled the air with taupe. "It means hope." He clarified for Gordon with a grin. "Expect to see a lot of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the comments!!! This is entirely for you all! Well I mean at least the fluff. The angst was for me~ because I like angst.
> 
> I recently posted three other fanfics in hopes of figuring out which to focus on and which to ignore. The consensus is focus on ALL of them. So updates might be sporadic, but I will try for at updates to this one at least twice a month if I keep feeling the love! 
> 
> I wish you all an excellent end of the year! And for 2021 to be filled with hope and life!

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to see more of this fic, tell me in the comments what Sweet Voice color this chapter made you feel. Or message me on Tumblr (also at LordTraco).
> 
> This is one of five fics I am willing to commit to updating every other Monday. If you'd like this one to have a consistent updating schedule, feel free to vote for it on my Tumblr.  
> https://lordtraco.tumblr.com/post/639128464723787776/new-years-resolution-finish-a-hlvrai-fanfic


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